Post by CritiquingChrist on Mar 17, 2004 17:27:01 GMT -6
Hello everyone! I am a newbie here, and wish to first introduce myself, as well as share with you an incident. I must however acknowledge before I shall begin that I sit here dumbfounded that I have even mustered the gumption to join a paranormal research discussion group; or for that matter, post an incident which I have kept very private.
As said above, I feel the need to first have a moment of self-disclosure: My name is Charlotte, I am a 28 year old Waukesha woman, who has been immersed in the study of spirituality for close to ten years. Both independantly and in an institution of higher learning. I have a BA from Carroll College in religious studies, minor: psychology. My m.div is in comparative religions. Obviously, I am a woman who is very familiar with various spiritual claims, I am educated in diverse religious practices, how the psyche interprets such experiences, etc.
After such a lengthy bout in studying the orthodox, I am left concluding the theological view of atheism. I shall not go into why I have defaulted to this position, albeit for saying that I find no empirical evidence to prove otherwise, deem orthodoxy immoral, am familiar with the evolution of such theisms and their roots in ignorant/ancient times, and lastly the idea of an omnipotent/omniscient being is simply a logical fallacy.
None the less, as most beings, I still have theistic longings, I often chalk those up to my survival instinct, and the deisre for self-comfort pondering death can bring to the ego. So I am in an odd position. I am an atheist who compusively walks the line of religiousity via study, attempts to remain agnostic for the sake of unbiasness while dealing with the internal hope for existence beyond the human condition.
Outwordly, I am a rabid atheist, I often do not discuss metaphysical topics, because they make me feel hypocritical concerning my theological view. Yet in my mind, a conversation I do not often reveal, is a constant pondering of an incident I experienced a few short years ago. Please remember as I tell you this incident that it is paramount that you understand I regard myself as an atheist. It is equally paramount you understand that what I am about to share I am simultaneously compelled and repelled by, embarassed by, because it violates everything I stand for. I only share with it you now because I wish to finally understand this incident and put it to rest.
Two years ago I resided in an apartment building on 900 Scott street in Waukesha. I lived there for quite some time with no incident. I never experienced anything bizarre in my living quarters besides the usual creeks and moans that a building makes.
Occasionaly I'd hear footsteps but I attributed them to the fact that it was a 16 unit building and surely the noise I heard that seemed so close must be nothing else but distant human activity magnified through the walls. I often felt nervous in the apartment when I was alone. I never felt quite at home there as I did the many other places I lived, but again, I attributed this to the many different justifications such as relations with neighbors, etc. (You must understand when the atheist feels something or sees something odd, the first instinct to is to logically explain the incident, and quell the theistic justifications.)
I must be honest now and say that though I chalked up those feelings to normal existence, in truth those feelings of foreboding were in essense caused by something else. I was sick there quite often, something that is rare for me. I figured then that it could have been the city dump that was near by, yet I am still close to the location and do not have that sense. Something was odd about the building, my sister commented on that once when she came to visit (a fellow atheist none the less) , but I never articulated the feeling, still have trouble doing so now, as I am sure you can tell.
Regardless, my internal feelings are not the issue, what is, however, is what I experienced, physically. There were coin-up machines in the basement we all utilized to do the laundry. One night I went down to retrieve my basket of newly dryed clothes and made my way to the staircase to walk up. The staircase jutted out to the center of the floor, and there were deep recesses (at least fifteen feet long) on either side that were lined with storage areas. Both sides lacked proper lighting so my focal point was the stairs. I noted both sides were dark, but paid no real mind because I was used to the set up of the building.
Looking at those recesses, you could see the first ten feet but beyond it was dark because of it's distance from the lighting. As I made my way to travel up the stairs, it seemed that dark recess in the right corner actually moved towards me. Does that make sense? I was walking into a lighted stair case yet the darkness from the right side moved towards me almost like a squid would squirt ink, swirly and instantaneous... It moved instantly and this darkness filled up the entire corner going along the staircase and a part of it jutted out and layed over my right extended arm as I held the laundry basket.
I froze for a second, thinking my eyes were surely playing a trick on me. As an atheist my first instinct was: "stop, analyze, check your senses, this is normal, etc." And that is what I did, I stopped, blinked my eyes, and looked down towards my arm. I could see my hand and my chest, yet this blackness laid across my fore arm. I remember thinking, "it's your eyes" so I looked at my other arm but could see everything clearly, i looked back at the right arm and seen the blackness again. Suddenly I just had this overwhelming feeling of dread, and I screamed like I never have before. On the top of my lungs, I just stood there and shrieked, because I felt as if I couldn't move. All of a sudden the darkness retreated from my arm and went back to the corner, swirling instantly backwards into the corner. My brain screamed "RUN" and I took off up the stairs, dropping laundry everywhere in my haste.
The next couple days I refused to get my laundry, I was frightened of the basement, but I was simultaneously berating myself: "What kind of atheist are you? You had tunnel vision, No, I could see clearly on the other side of me" back and forth I fought with myself internally trying to make sense of what I experienced in a logical manner. On the third day after the incident my manager Denise came to vist me and ask if I was going to get my laundry. I told her something in the basement freaked me out I didn't want to go down there. She asked is she could come in. She pulled out a chair at my kitchen table and then looked me straight in the eye and asked "the black thing?" I just about nuts my pants when she asked that. I refused to answer right away, I made Denise draw the story out of me. Every few minutes I would interject, "This was just my imagination, right? I mean come on Denise, I don't believe in this stuff." Yet as I proclaimed my atheism I found myself getting more and more confused. Here was Denise telling me that she experienced the same thing. Yet she was explaining it BEFORE I would tell her my expereince. The only differences in our stories was that she encountered it more, and it wasn't just in the night. The feeling that we had, the way it looked, the way it moved were both the same. Denise told me that we weren't the only ones, Amy a neighbor upstairs saw it too.
Ever since that night, I felt VERY uncomfortable in that building. Just walking past the stairs made me physically ill, and it wasn't just the memory of it, I have had bad experiences before and know what psychosematic feelings are. This was a physically ill feeling bordering on dry heaving, and this sense of omen, and simultaneously a sense of extreme curiousity. These weren't my feelings, but almost as if they were feeling intruded upon me.
I moved out several months later, not just because of the event, but because I got into a spat with Denise. Regardless, something weird happened in that basement, and I want it explained, I am sure Denise and other residents want it explained as well. Considering I don't own the building and no longer live there, I doubt not much will come from this, but I would still like to hear insight regarding the incident, perhaps some explanation that I haven't thought of. (And trust me, I have thought of everything from it being a hallucination or illusion caused by the gasses from the dump, to tunnel vision, etc.)
Thank you, Charlotte
As said above, I feel the need to first have a moment of self-disclosure: My name is Charlotte, I am a 28 year old Waukesha woman, who has been immersed in the study of spirituality for close to ten years. Both independantly and in an institution of higher learning. I have a BA from Carroll College in religious studies, minor: psychology. My m.div is in comparative religions. Obviously, I am a woman who is very familiar with various spiritual claims, I am educated in diverse religious practices, how the psyche interprets such experiences, etc.
After such a lengthy bout in studying the orthodox, I am left concluding the theological view of atheism. I shall not go into why I have defaulted to this position, albeit for saying that I find no empirical evidence to prove otherwise, deem orthodoxy immoral, am familiar with the evolution of such theisms and their roots in ignorant/ancient times, and lastly the idea of an omnipotent/omniscient being is simply a logical fallacy.
None the less, as most beings, I still have theistic longings, I often chalk those up to my survival instinct, and the deisre for self-comfort pondering death can bring to the ego. So I am in an odd position. I am an atheist who compusively walks the line of religiousity via study, attempts to remain agnostic for the sake of unbiasness while dealing with the internal hope for existence beyond the human condition.
Outwordly, I am a rabid atheist, I often do not discuss metaphysical topics, because they make me feel hypocritical concerning my theological view. Yet in my mind, a conversation I do not often reveal, is a constant pondering of an incident I experienced a few short years ago. Please remember as I tell you this incident that it is paramount that you understand I regard myself as an atheist. It is equally paramount you understand that what I am about to share I am simultaneously compelled and repelled by, embarassed by, because it violates everything I stand for. I only share with it you now because I wish to finally understand this incident and put it to rest.
Two years ago I resided in an apartment building on 900 Scott street in Waukesha. I lived there for quite some time with no incident. I never experienced anything bizarre in my living quarters besides the usual creeks and moans that a building makes.
Occasionaly I'd hear footsteps but I attributed them to the fact that it was a 16 unit building and surely the noise I heard that seemed so close must be nothing else but distant human activity magnified through the walls. I often felt nervous in the apartment when I was alone. I never felt quite at home there as I did the many other places I lived, but again, I attributed this to the many different justifications such as relations with neighbors, etc. (You must understand when the atheist feels something or sees something odd, the first instinct to is to logically explain the incident, and quell the theistic justifications.)
I must be honest now and say that though I chalked up those feelings to normal existence, in truth those feelings of foreboding were in essense caused by something else. I was sick there quite often, something that is rare for me. I figured then that it could have been the city dump that was near by, yet I am still close to the location and do not have that sense. Something was odd about the building, my sister commented on that once when she came to visit (a fellow atheist none the less) , but I never articulated the feeling, still have trouble doing so now, as I am sure you can tell.
Regardless, my internal feelings are not the issue, what is, however, is what I experienced, physically. There were coin-up machines in the basement we all utilized to do the laundry. One night I went down to retrieve my basket of newly dryed clothes and made my way to the staircase to walk up. The staircase jutted out to the center of the floor, and there were deep recesses (at least fifteen feet long) on either side that were lined with storage areas. Both sides lacked proper lighting so my focal point was the stairs. I noted both sides were dark, but paid no real mind because I was used to the set up of the building.
Looking at those recesses, you could see the first ten feet but beyond it was dark because of it's distance from the lighting. As I made my way to travel up the stairs, it seemed that dark recess in the right corner actually moved towards me. Does that make sense? I was walking into a lighted stair case yet the darkness from the right side moved towards me almost like a squid would squirt ink, swirly and instantaneous... It moved instantly and this darkness filled up the entire corner going along the staircase and a part of it jutted out and layed over my right extended arm as I held the laundry basket.
I froze for a second, thinking my eyes were surely playing a trick on me. As an atheist my first instinct was: "stop, analyze, check your senses, this is normal, etc." And that is what I did, I stopped, blinked my eyes, and looked down towards my arm. I could see my hand and my chest, yet this blackness laid across my fore arm. I remember thinking, "it's your eyes" so I looked at my other arm but could see everything clearly, i looked back at the right arm and seen the blackness again. Suddenly I just had this overwhelming feeling of dread, and I screamed like I never have before. On the top of my lungs, I just stood there and shrieked, because I felt as if I couldn't move. All of a sudden the darkness retreated from my arm and went back to the corner, swirling instantly backwards into the corner. My brain screamed "RUN" and I took off up the stairs, dropping laundry everywhere in my haste.
The next couple days I refused to get my laundry, I was frightened of the basement, but I was simultaneously berating myself: "What kind of atheist are you? You had tunnel vision, No, I could see clearly on the other side of me" back and forth I fought with myself internally trying to make sense of what I experienced in a logical manner. On the third day after the incident my manager Denise came to vist me and ask if I was going to get my laundry. I told her something in the basement freaked me out I didn't want to go down there. She asked is she could come in. She pulled out a chair at my kitchen table and then looked me straight in the eye and asked "the black thing?" I just about nuts my pants when she asked that. I refused to answer right away, I made Denise draw the story out of me. Every few minutes I would interject, "This was just my imagination, right? I mean come on Denise, I don't believe in this stuff." Yet as I proclaimed my atheism I found myself getting more and more confused. Here was Denise telling me that she experienced the same thing. Yet she was explaining it BEFORE I would tell her my expereince. The only differences in our stories was that she encountered it more, and it wasn't just in the night. The feeling that we had, the way it looked, the way it moved were both the same. Denise told me that we weren't the only ones, Amy a neighbor upstairs saw it too.
Ever since that night, I felt VERY uncomfortable in that building. Just walking past the stairs made me physically ill, and it wasn't just the memory of it, I have had bad experiences before and know what psychosematic feelings are. This was a physically ill feeling bordering on dry heaving, and this sense of omen, and simultaneously a sense of extreme curiousity. These weren't my feelings, but almost as if they were feeling intruded upon me.
I moved out several months later, not just because of the event, but because I got into a spat with Denise. Regardless, something weird happened in that basement, and I want it explained, I am sure Denise and other residents want it explained as well. Considering I don't own the building and no longer live there, I doubt not much will come from this, but I would still like to hear insight regarding the incident, perhaps some explanation that I haven't thought of. (And trust me, I have thought of everything from it being a hallucination or illusion caused by the gasses from the dump, to tunnel vision, etc.)
Thank you, Charlotte
